Finding balance: Where I am at

After competing in two bodybuilding shows last year I set a goal for myself to hang up the heels for a while (most likely indefinitely) and focus on finding a healthy balance in my life. For those who aren't a regular follower, I have been a bit more active with blog posting and Instagram lately, particularly with the "fitstagram" posts. I have been a bit more active for two reasons. The first reason is to motivate. More people have been asking me for workout advice or healthy meal ideas and while I am no PT I love to share whatever I can! The gram or my blog are both great ways for me to keep track of my recipes and have reference points to share with others or to even revisit myself! The second reason is to hold myself accountable. If I have a certain "fitness" goal in mind it is often helpful for me to share my journey with the public (aka like my mom and 3 friends). So aside from this larger goal of *balance*, I recently set a mini goal for myself to cut down for an upcoming fitness workshop and photo-shoot + my trip to Vegas where Mr. Olympia is hosted, but I have found myself slowly losing motivation.

I want to look dope AF at this workshop and in Vegas where I will be surrounded by some of the most well known athletes in the industry, but at what point will I just be happy with where my body is at? I have come a very long way this year when it comes to self image/ self love/ balance/ whatever people want to call it these days but it's weeks like these that I realize I am not quite there yet and that this isn't just a situation where I am going to wake up one day and be like "Fuck yes I will never have a negative thought about my body ever again". Lately I've just felt tired. Tired physically. Tired mentally. My 5am lifts have turned into 9am lifts, or no lifts. My daily cardio has significantly dropped (side note I don't need to be doing a ton of cardio I just used to really enjoy doing it). And my "diet" is starting to feel like a diet and well, I am just tired of feeling like I am always on a diet. For anyone who has ever tracked macros before, aka "flexible dieting", you'll realize that once you know the science it is always ingrained in your head even when you try not to track. Can't a girl just get a healthy acai bowl for breakfast which is filled with superfoods and micronutrients and not worry about the fact that half of her suggested carb intake for the day will be used up? Maybe it is the heat, or maybe it is the fact that I haven't started my new job yet and my usual routine is off, but right now my motivation is in hideout. I know if I were to just throw in the towel, stop working out, and eat like shit I would feel 100x worse after about two days so that is not going to happen. However, this lifestyle is tricky and the motivation isn't always there for me. Hoping once I get back to my regular routine this week I will feel refreshed but in the meantime I would love to hear if other people trying to live the healthy grind have went through this same type of funk, and how they decided to handle it :)